Zafirah Mustaza

Saturday, October 17

when i read it, my heart crushed. to million pieces, i felt like crying. so i texted bee just to tell someone else. then while ive been thinking about ways i can salvage my dreams, we discovered that there's more hope than we think. and, i've thought of more back ups but lets just see what 3.2 has in store for me.

class? awesome shit. i dont need to fret over classmates (though there's good reason to) cause the people i need are there so who cares. i miss school's roti john, dont ask me why. i miss alot of people. some how, shaf's, nic's, chap's, zam's and lata's names come to mind almost instantly.

did i mention i did something that is so horrible that i deserved to die and meet whoever's in hell? yup. ive been telling myself its not my fault cause i really DIDNT KNOW. but considering how careful ive been makes me feel horrible all over again. no you'll never know what happened. so thirah, now i do have a deep deep dark dark secret. i finally have an answer to your question.

work? awesome fun. i learn new things everyday. i wont be surprised if i end up there one day. if they'll have me. and if im done with my other dreams.

i miss you you and you too :)

11:05 PM

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Sunday, October 4

So every night I'll pray
I'll have you here one day
I'll count the stars tonight
And hope with all my might

That when I close my eyes
You'll be right by my side

5:45 PM

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wow hello world.

this is so weird i havent been hear for so long. work has taken away all of my normal life. everything has to be done with work in mind...go out? tett there's work. after work? tett maybe one or two days in the week cause work tires me out. sleep in? hell no.

other than that, i have gottn alot of exposure, i get to meet different peole whom i never thought i would, had lunch with people i know exist but have never met and the workload, although is nothing compared to school work, is so different than thank god, still keeps me interested.

hari raya has been fun, adventurous to say the least haha but it has bee fun. yesterday was extra awesome because we all got to meet once again. chaotic but always fun yes? and yes of course, it ended with a bang haha...or should i say, it ended with multiple little jumps at 1am haha so so fun.

alyna said something which made me think. while in bedok view, i did already pay the parliament house a visit. the pvc was a cafe then, i recall that very clearly heh. and then in tp, we visited it twice too, once was for the learning journey tour and the other for moot parliament. and now, i have been going to the parliament house every weekday for internship. is someone up there trying to tell me something?

i know what i want to do after getting my diploma. i just hope it isnt too far-fetched.

i am tired. heh

5:23 PM

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Thursday, September 10

i know everyone. wouldnt blame me. for wanting to smack. their faces. for smiling at me like that.

9:25 PM

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Wednesday, September 9

chicher sumeena made it sound 100 times scarier than it really is. too soon to tell perhaps?

10:04 PM

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Tuesday, September 8

"aunty zaf, nina rinduuuuu aunty zaf..." (aunty zaf, nina misses you)

how like that. how not t miss her once internship starts and she starts school this coming january? alllll the way at bukit panjang.

internship starts tomorrow and i am half ready for it. in a sense that i am so excited yet so darn unsure about it. i have been posted t the communications department however, i have no idea what i'll be doing other than the fact that i have to know the legal system and methods used in singapore. due to the high security level, sumeena couldnt tell us what exactly we''ll do. thats the other 50% scared part. very scared indeed.

i swear i thought that all i'll have to do is take secondary school students on a tour of the parliament house. HOW LIKE THAT KENTOTS.

and i cant have my phone with me while im working. thats as good as being cut off once i enter the parliament house. thats like entering a whole new world!

but. all the mystery is making me excited. :D

so no more spize on wednesday night with my kentots. but i might break fast with other kentots tomorrow night now that should make up for it true? and for the results! :D

sunday it is then my bv kawans. better be on sunday ah. bee, try to coax encik mahmood kayyyyy

8:55 PM

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Monday, September 7

will you marry me? i need t date you :)

11:40 PM

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Friday, September 4

one day, 5 girls decided t meet up after weeks, months for some and just days for 2 (hahaha)

ms taylor tweaked
ms queen of all TIMES
ms snooze on bus
ms dokoh
ms boss

boss told dokoh t meet at 6.15 turned out she told times and snooze that itll be 6.30 so i pardoned the 15 minutes gap cause it wouldnt have made that much of a difference anyway true? nope. not when ms times decided t pull a traditional surprise, the appearing-while-least-expected-act hahahaha

so anyway, ms snooze was with her too so what time did they arrive after taking the train and the escalator with no end? 7. when we were already in the queue. without wasting any more of the pre-buka time, we ordered. now ms snooze is particular about spending and consuming only on things she likes

"dokoh, i want 2 piece chicken - thigh and breast meat (if i recalled correctly) and i dont want fries, change the side t whipped potato, dont upsize"

so dokoh did the smartest thing and told snooze t order on her own. that was when a makcik got pissed and stood beside dokoh when she was ordering. it was her way of saying "HURRY UP LA DAH LAH CUT KEE-YEW AKU TAMPAR BARU TAU". dokoh being dokoh, she panicked.in the end, dokoh didn't take enough sauce out of pressure tsk tsk haha now this caused so much chaos later on in the meal hahaha

boss' sister called t say it was buka time already so we started eating. now while this was going on and i believe no one else saw, being in my my line of view, a group of muslims thought we just couldnt wait and went on to eat. quite bodoh indeed. boss thought they were just unsure of the time and then maybe boss could signal saying its fine t eat already. until one of them decided t jeling. jeling you know. t boss. hmph. bangau.

tweaked was quiet initially but we all know that wasnt going t last haha so all hell broke when snooze asked in the most gagah voice that night "EH DOKOH. YOU KNOW FARHAN SHAH?!" haha she didnt even know it was loud. poor dokoh, another reason t be stressed out haha

so we were all talking about mr break it down now or as snooze described him "bedebak bedebik" hahaha and all the other things that could have gone wrong and did go wrong on the show. haiya, i must say that with all the hype, boss is really disappointed with the show, from break it down, t rockstar and from jobro t jennifer hudson.

so all 5 headed over t parkway, the supposed 30 minutes journey as predicted by boss and 20 by tweaked but ended up t be about 45 minutes cause snooze didnt hurry the driver back from the toilet enough hahaha she was practically nagging at someone who wasnt there.

so between taking pictures and snooze actualy snoozing we wrecked havoc with all our laughters and heyuuuge attempts at trying t hold down our vomit. onced reached, taylor tweaked decided t pull a little something and broke it down then into "I DREAM OF RAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIINEEEAAAAAINEEEEAAAAAIIIIN" yes. boss is honoured tweaked sang for us for free. heart you hahahaha

scoopz and then t giant where mbak times wanted t buy cereals and milk ya buk when snooze almost decided t just sahur right there and then in the bus hahaha

i had so so so much fun yesterday, too bad it had t end so so so fast. try t make it next wednesday okay, itll be so so awesome t meet again. speaking of which, hakim thought it was a union thing, aniq still thinks its a union thing, ain thinks its a union and As thing while susu thinks its a bv thing. for the record, no its not just a union thing its an all of us thing!

please please be there kay? times and snooze i am so proud of you two, degree is a huge ass thing. itll be awesome, i know you two can do wonders so as stressed out as you both are, always remember to take a while t breathe, if you need, break it down a little, bedebak bedebik then whisper 'i am so kicking ass and dokoh, boss, tweaked, ane and all my other friends are sooooo with me' :)

internship starts in 5 days. i need t read on lsm notes soon haha as awesome as going to parliament might sound, it is still pretty much intimidating okaaaaay. did i mention results will be out on the very same day? yup, how awesome is that -_-

i have an idea of what itll turn out t be cause i think i didnt do well for accounting. mloc either. but ive told myself not t beat myself up if it turns out that i havent gotten my goal...provided that the gpa doesnt drop. DOES NOT DROP.

mushroom steak at spize with kick ass company at the end of the day will be sure t help anyway :)

2:43 PM

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Wednesday, September 2

i know im not exactly as slim as i was in secondary school. but please stop trying t sell me acai pills. no, oprah didnt feature it on her show. no, you didnt even know it exists.

and. please eh. no. there are no naked pictures of me or anyone i know online la dey! and no. there are no vids of lina! haha as hilarious as that was, all these spamming things are annoying. i wonder how they start tsk tsk. oh yes. i think i've overcome the mail spamming thing already. i hope.

i think we need t switch beds. its for the better, really heh.

ah see. another window just popped up. naf. you just sent me an acai pill thingie. haha yes la none of your faults.

i had a weird dream last night. i dreamt i participated in ndp. we were in the front row. but while waiting for our turn t rehearse, we all sat in a holding area. i saw lots of old friends. and this is the second time in 3 days your face appeared, quite weird. all of us had alot t talk about and everyone was a bv student. and then suddenly, we were all on the run cause we participated in amazing race. i dont know who my partner is. but he was such a sweetheart. honest. seriously. i think i know him from somewhere but i cant put a name t his face. actually, im not even sure ive even seen him before. interesting.

dad has this thing about switching warna on and then leaving it for his room's tv. but we're not allowed t switch it off cause he wants t listen t azan zuhur. and then we still cannot switch it off cause he wants t listen t azan asar. and then maghrib. theres no contesting this cause we want t buka too. and then isyak. solution? increase volume only when its azan hahaha

my only problem with this is that warna doesnt exactly play songs i'd listen t. but because he's gone t tampines t fix my jeans, i shall take this chance t save electricity. i still love you dont worry :)

1:54 PM

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Monday, August 31

anyway. checking the mail becomes such a chore.i hate it so much when i dont even know how the spamming shit happened in the first place. i didnt open any foto mail, i swear. its so annoying urgh.

its the 9th day and fasting so far, has been quite easy, alhamdulillah. just have to keep reminding myself that temper goes haywire when people are hungry. and i have also discovered that 'deafness' comes with being hungry so ive learnt to just laugh things off though yes, it does get annoying. eh bee, chef wan is on tv hahahaha

speaking of which, i'll be meeting that little person tomorrow. too bad uncle shaf cant come. that little girl's quite a daring little imp haha she said "assalammualaikum, apa taba!" to papa mus haha not bad.

fasting month does not mean losing weight. fasting month could possibly mean the total opposite goodness, i think i can feel it already.

i had a long list of stuff but i'm being thrown off by the fact that its nver going to be susan and mike damn it. i need all seasons of friends please :(

8:28 PM

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HOW DO I GET RID OF THE SPAMMING SHIT.

8:19 PM

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Friday, August 21

three days ago, shaf, bee and i were talking about how we can suddenly go away, without warning. three days ago, i read meishan's blog about how she misses her brother.

two days ago, i woke up in the most unexpected of ways, to one of the most tragic news. two days ago, i decided to go to school to just get some things off my chest and meet someone. two days ago, reality knocked me off my feet as we made our way to the church and saw you so silent. two days ago, i saw your 4 dearest friends in their strongest form. two days ago, i saw the many people who feel the loss with your passing.

today, we took a paper with one person less, one empty seat, one empty question paper, one empty answer sheet that mathavan had to take away. today, i saw how weird and saddening it was to be in the room with one person less from law. today, bee and i went back to the place where we just needed a break and saw you there with theodore, ding wei, cleone and avi. the clock struck six and we knew you were finally at rest.

i didnt know you that well. but we did go for orientatations and such together. and i got to know you through bee, paris, chap and more. i know your friends and i couldn't stand seeing them cry. i never did imagine i'd be thinking of you this much, never did i think i'd be this affected. same goes to the rest of us in law. we are too small a diploma to not know anyone. i hope you're finally at peace, i hope your family and friends find peace. i know i will always remember you as the one who looooves om om chuckie and screaming "NICOLE, NICOLE, CLEONE, CLEONE!

it will never be the same again but i know you're at a better place :)

sweet dreams

8:31 PM

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